Stuck in the Middle? The Sandwich Generation and Finding Your Way Through
Are you raising kids while also helping aging parents – financially, emotionally, and logistically? If so, you’re not alone. This “sandwich generation” season can feel like you’re pulled in two directions at once, especially when life is already full.
Here’s the hopeful part: you don’t have to do it all, and you don’t have to do it perfectly. With a few practical conversations and some intentional planning, you can lower stress, protect your time and health, and still stay on track for your long‑term financial goals.
Who is the sandwich generation?
The sandwich generation refers to adults in their 40s, 50s, and early 60s who are supporting both their children and their parents. This can mean everything from tuition and helping adult kids get launched, to coordinating medical appointments, managing a move, or paying for care. Today’s sandwich generation is navigating longer life expectancies, rising healthcare costs, delayed retirements, and children who may require financial support well into adulthood.
And while this can happen at any income level, higher-net-worth families often deal with extra layers – more complex planning, higher expectations, and bigger decisions around healthcare, housing, and legacy planning. The result is a period of financial and emotional strain during what should otherwise be peak earning and wealth-building years.
A personal note
My own “peak sandwich” moment came in 2024. My husband and I moved his mom into an independent living community across the country, and we also helped our youngest son move to a new state to start his post‑college life. The logistics were tough, but the emotions were tougher. Big transitions affect everyone – no matter how organized you are.
The biggest stressors facing the sandwich generation:
Financial pressure
Financial stress is usually the most obvious… and often the most underestimated. Studies have found that many sandwich‑generation caregivers spend over $10,000 a year supporting parents and children, along with 1,300 hours annually coordinating care and logistics. That does not include “hidden costs” like travel and time off work, or the opportunity costs of reduced career flexibility and delayed personal goals.
For families with more resources, it’s not always about whether you can afford support – it’s about how you fund it without derailing other priorities (retirement, college, giving, or legacy goals). Care costs can rise quickly, and pulling money from the wrong place can create unnecessary taxes or throw off an investment plan.
Emotional strain
Watching parents decline while trying to stay present for your kids can be heartbreaking. Many people experience “anticipatory grief” – grieving changes that are happening in slow motion. Add in decision fatigue (so many choices, such high stakes and so little bandwidth), and it’s easy to feel worn down.
Time crunch
Time is often the scarcest resource. School calendars, activities, work demands, and parent appointments can take over the week. Even when you can hire help, your presence still matters – especially during medical events or big life changes.
Caregiver burnout
Burnout isn’t just being tired. It can show up as sleep issues, irritability, feeling numb, pulling away from people, or ignoring your own health. Long stretches of caregiving have been linked with higher rates of anxiety, depression, and other health problems.
One reason burnout sneaks up: many high‑achievers are good at pushing through… until they can’t.
Guilt and role conflict
Perhaps the most dangerous stressor is guilt. Many people feel like they’re never doing “enough” – as a parent, as a child, or at work. That guilt can lead to constant self‑criticism and make even good days feel heavy.
Practical ways to make it more manageable
You don’t need perfection – you need a plan and support. A few ideas that can help:
- Share the load when you can. Bring siblings into the conversation. Use professional care managers, attorneys, and other trusted partners when appropriate.
- Treat self‑care like a real appointment. Sleep, movement, and down time aren’t indulgences – they keep you steady.
- Set boundaries (and reset them as life changes). Not every issue is urgent. Not every decision has to be yours.
- Look for small wins. A smooth appointment, a good conversation, a quiet weekend – those moments count.
- Get emotional support. A counselor, a support group, or a trusted friend can help you carry the mental load.
Planning for both generations
For families juggling multiple generations, the goal isn’t just “coping.” It’s aligning your money, time, and values – so support doesn’t come at the expense of your own future.
At The Wealth Stewards, we help families bring structure to multi‑generational planning—from cash‑flow and tax strategy to long‑term care planning and legacy conversations. By anticipating financial stressors before they become urgent, families are better positioned to protect their wealth, their time, and their peace of mind. If you’re balancing kids and parents and want a clearer path forward, we’d love to talk, contact us.
Sources:
Forbes. (2024). Sandwich Generation Financial Stress and Burnout.
Henry Ford Health. (2024). The Impact of Caregiving on Mental and Physical Health.
Lee Health. Managing Stress in the Sandwich Generation.
Annabelle Psychology. Sandwich Generation Stress and Support.
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